Friday, June 1, 2007

This Just In

By Steve

Terrorists Announce “Re-Victimization” Effort in Baghdad
Plan is to transport people into urban areas in order to blow them up

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Baghdad is running low on many basic necessities, such as water, electricity and public transportation. Add another item to that list: people. And because of that, terrorist groups are facing a major problem.

"We've been very effective in our civilian bombing campaigns, says Ahem el-Kabana, spokesman for the fundamentalist terror cell 'Wrath of God.' "In fact, maybe we've been too effective."

To meet this dilemma, insurgent terrorist groups operating out of Iraq are planning a major offensive over the next several months.

Speaking on the Al Jazeera cable network, el-Kabana announced what he referred to as a “re-victimization” plan designed to increase the potency of terrorist bombings in Baghdad and other urban areas of Iraq by bringing more people back to the places where terrorists can find them.

Military analysts have noted a steady decrease in the number of civilians living in such urban areas. Experts have chalked up the decline to several factors, most prominently death by explosion, followed by assassination and kidnapping. Seeking to regain the strategic advantage and increase the number of terror victims, el-Kabana said drastic action was necessary.

“Our plan is to repopulate the major residential areas of Baghdad and surrounding areas as quickly as possible, in order to resume our highly effective terror attacks,” el-Kabana said. “We will undertake a massive re-victimization effort to bring some 500,000 new residents over the next year into Baghdad alone. Thus repopulated, we can then resume our mission of bringing widespread death and destruction to the forces of the Great Satan.”

He warned, however, not to expect immediate results. “It is true that this cannot be accomplished overnight,” el-Kabana said. “This re-victimization effort will require the construction of a huge infrastructure, which means improvements in roads and rail systems. Massive building projects will be required in order to adequately house future victims prior to their contribution to our glorious cause. Electricity and running water must be regularized, and a more efficient means of transporting victims must be agreed upon by the various factions. We also believe that the construction of good schools, hospitals and parks will create a more pleasant environment that will attract people to move back to these areas.

"Above all, we must ensure that those being brought into Baghdad remain safe from attack until they are properly positioned, at which point one of our courageous martyrs to Allah will blow them into millions of pieces, thus winning the eternal delights of numerous virgins.”

The announcement by el-Kabana indicates the group is become desperate, according to Brig. Gen. Dirk Blastoff.

“I mean, look at this,” said Blastoff, allied head of the counter-anti-insurgency intelligence taskforce. “They’re practically admitting defeat. Their primary weapon in this struggle is terror, which they achieve by killing large numbers of innocent civilians. Now that number is decreasing, and with it is their ability to strike fear into the hearts of the average Iraqi. Minus that ability, what is terrorism? All we have to do is be patient and wait it out until they run out of people to kill. When that happens, the insurgents will have failed and we will have won. We have time and numbers on our side, provided Congress continues to fund the war effort.”

Other analysts, however, were not so sure.

David Reaperasty, head of the Washington-based think tank Center for Territorial Conquest, suggested the United States might have to prevent the reconstruction of Baghdad in order to keep the terrorists from gaining the upper hand. “We’re there for one reason and one reason alone, and that’s regime stability,” Reaperasty said. “How can we possibly rebuild Iraq when we’re faced with continuing attacks from Wrath of God? The only way we’re going to successfully rebuild this country is to prevent them from doing it first. If they succeed there, who knows how much death and destruction they might cause?”

Lucas Wittenspoon, an expert on counter-anti-insurgency intelligence and a consultant for CNN, offered another alternative. “Is it really enough to wait for the insurgency to run out of victims?” Wittenspoon asked. “I would suggest this is a luxury the United States cannot afford. The answer is to strike at the heart of the terrorist organization, and to do it ruthlessly. The only thing the insurgents understand is death, the only thing they respect is the ability to cause it. Any group that can kill more efficiently and with more massive numbers than they can will force them to back down. Therefore, we must show that we can equal, if not exceed, their ability to cause death and destruction on a widespread scale.”

Wittenspoon suggested the allied forces begin their own terrorist bombings to send a message to 'Wrath of God' and its aligned groups. He suggested one major difference, however. “I strongly urge the use of unmanned drones rather than suicide bombers, in order to demonstrate to these terrorists that we in the West value life where they do not.”

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