"If I were Elisabeth Hasselbeck, I would refuse to sit next to Barry Manilow. After all, "I Write the Songs" has officially been categorized as a war crime by the Fourth Geneva Convention. Here at home, even Wayne LaPierre supports legislation to declare "Mandy" an assault weapon deserving of a complete ban. This is not to say that Manilow hasn't been of service to his country, albeit inadvertently. Unconfirmed reports claim that Abu Zubaydah would not break, even with a bullet in his groin, until they played 15 seconds of "I Can't Smile Without You," whereupon he cried like a little girl."
- NRO's John Podhoretz on Manilow's apparent refusal to appear on The View if Hasselbeck was on the panel. Podhoretz might also have mentioned diabetic coma as one of the known side effects of Manilow's music.