By BobbyHere we go again with the Oval Office.
Last year, I warned Britney Spears was "Toxic" enough for a trip to the Oval Office, yet the toxicity of MTV and its no-talents was extremely close to that of another MTV show this summer, the Dave Attell-hosted revival of Sony Pictures Television's classic The Gong Show.
This year MTV wants Miss Spears to make another Gong worthy performance that reminded me of a satire I wrote in barnstorming years ago (it has been edited). Please be warned this is what many would call today a "fan fic", and any use of real names is coincidental, and it was written nearly a decade ago.
The Gong Show:
Host: Chuck Woolery
Judges: Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Kathy Troccoli, Darrell Waltrip
Act 1: Howard Stern
Dr. Laura: He is the most immoral man I have ever heard in his routine, in just eight seconds.
Kathy and Darrell (smile at Dr. Laura.) (Singing): "She's got a new attitude . . . " (a reference to the theme song of Dr. Schlessinger's radio programme.)
Score: Gong, Schlessinger
Act 2: Limp Bizkit
Kathy: That . . . does not sound like singing.
Dr. Laura: Insulting sexually raunchy lyrics. Go Kathy!
Darrell: What is that? Noise? Go Kathy!
Score: Gong, Troccoli
Act 3: Chris Rock
Darrell: That is too much for me. My girls are going to be mad at him so I must stop it (throws the handle) NOW!
Dr. Laura: Way to go. "So now I'll walk . . . a different road" (a reference to Miss Troccoli's song)
Kathy: Ahem. True. Dr. Laura!
Score: Gong, Waltrip
Act 4: Britney Spears
Dr. Laura. She looks like she's ready for someone to knock her up. Very disgusting outfit -- Rolling Stone or else.
Darrell: That is too raunchy for my daughters.
Kathy: My goodness. If that's the type of talent we are to see . . . it's pathetic. One, two, Earnhardt!*
Score: Gong, all three
Act 5: Snoop Dogg
All three: Disgusting.
Darrell: I have the book there and here's his criminal record . . .
Kathy: I'm not Mike Joy . . .
Dr. Laura: But I want to learn Mr. Broadus' rap sheet.
Darrell: Accomplice to murder . . . rape . . . violent arrest . . .
Kathy: What a pun!
Score: Gong, all three
Act 6: Spice Girls
Three: "If you wannabe gonged, just try to be bad."
Darrell: Another pun . . . you ladies are so much fun.
Mrs. Waltrip: Smart
Mr. Bishop (Dr. Laura Schlessinger's husband): They are smart cookies.
Score: Gong, all three
The winner of the prize: None. Everyone was gonged.
That little excerpt from a satire I wrote in college came back to me whilst thinking of the outrageous MTV Video Music Awards, especially since Miss Spears has been invited to open the 2008 event. Worse yet, MTV is attempting to find a feminine lip-locker for another wild pop star, Kathryn Hudson** and the song that infuriated Bill O'Reilly and Bernard Goldberg in a recent episode of The O'Reilly Factor.
Factor the disgust of Miss Spears and Miss Hudson, the continuing raunch and inappropriateness of the lyrics on MTV and other cultural rot of pop music, and you can understand the disgust of what MTV provides. Sadly, today's generation believes this rot is appropriate for even church performances when it deserves to be called to the Oval Office. What gives?
Just another cultural rot at the MTV Video Music Awards, no less.
NOTE: The MTV family of networks include MTV, VH1, Nickelodeon, CMT, Spike, TV Land, LOGO (the homosexual channel where Barack Obama chose to debate his Democratic rivals, but not Fox News), BET (while management split BET from MTV Networks, it is only a 'shadow' move; BET is part of the same group; they aired the DNC but not the RNC), and the brand extensions of these channels.
* This joke was a popular joke at the time this was written, and was mentioned at a National Press Club luncheon in 1998 when the senior Mr. Earnhardt spoke at the National Press Club (three NSCS champions -- Stewart (spoke in 2003) and Johnson (spoke in July) have been keynotes at the event). Notable speakers at the Press Club have included three generations of Cousteaus.
** In order to prevent confusion with the actress Kate Hudson, she pulled off the same stage-name trick as Nelson Souto Maior and Ayrton Da Silva, and similar to Bruno Lalli (Da Silva's nephew; son of Da Silva's sister Vivienne) and Nelson Ângelo Souto Maior (Souto Maior's son) . The senior Sotomaior and Da Silva used their mother's maiden name, while the junior Souto Maior and Lalli used their grandmother's maiden name, a reference to their father and uncle, respectively. The singer Miss Hudson did not use the trick when she released her first album, but that label went under. When she worked with her present producers, to prevent confusion, she went with her mother's maiden name.