Five Things You'll Probably Never See

By Drew

I don't know how many of you have seen the new Pepsi ads. You know, the ones with the logo that looks suspiciously like that of the President-Elect, being used in place of an O. The other night I saw one that had the kind of urban ghetto-speak so popular in advertising nowadays. "Fo Sho," it said, with Pepsi logos for the Os, and the only thing I could think of was that old bit from Buckwheat (or Eddie Murphy, whichever you prefer). And I imagined how in some back room at Pepsi's ad agency, someone was even now at hard work on the next Pepsi catchphrase:


Nah, I thought. We'll never see that. But it got me to thinking about the five things we'll probably never see in our lifetimes. Here are the other four:

2. A university with a "Kennedy Chair of Ethics."
3. An all-white version of Porgy and Bess.
4. An athlete blaming God for a loss in the big game. "It's because I'm Jewish, isn't it?"
5. Oprah telling her audience, "But don't listen to me - I'm not an expert."

What else might we not see in our lifetimes?