This Just In

CHURCH ORGANISTS, SINGERS, AND MUSIC LEADERS, INCENSED BY REPEATED USE OF KARAOKE AND INAPPROPIRATE MATERIAL, DELIVER ULTIMATUM TO CHURCH MUSIC LEADERS

CHARLESTON, SC – Organists at many conservative theological churches, irate at leaders' arrogance and requests to replace the church organist with $200 karaoke DVD's with the latest pop tunes from the Michael Jackson Library, Vivendi, or Warner Music Group, and even replacing the choir with teenagers gyrating to the latest secular pop music inappropriate for churches, have, along with fellow choral members who sympathise with them, announced a major statement against the rash of prerecorded church music that has become a rampant problem in today's houses of worship. Various classically trained singers, choral leaders, and musicians signed the statement.

The statement reads:

WHEREAS, the trends in church music pushed by the secular music publishing companies has been to eliminate the sacred Biblically inerrant songs that induce people into the basic fundamentals of faith,

WHEREAS, the modern worship songs used in churches are devoid of doctrine or theology, and can be sung in a bar more often than a church,

WHEREAS, the material is provided with a karaoke DVD that eliminates the job of the organist and allows the church music leader to focus on conducting the choir based on the pop, rock, or country beat of the music,

WHEREAS, other church music officials have replaced the choir in many events with youth dancing to similar popular tunes (often secular) heard on the radio today,

WHEREAS, the correct music of the church is not that of the self-help or the secular popular tunes that are rampant in today's churches, including Haugen-Haas, Sony, the Michael Jackson Estate, Vivendi, Warner Music Group, or other secular publishing houses, that are not based on the Bible but instead on people's feelings,

AND AS A RESULT, the church organist of serious Bible-teaching music is being phased out in favour of the inappropriate karaoke,

BE IT RESOLVED, AT THIS MEETING OF THE ASSOCIATION OF CHURCH MUSICIANS,

That all new contracts churches offer with organists install a prohibition of rock bands and folk instruments from church services, the prohibition of secular and other music that does not meet sound doctrine and theological standards replacing sacred songs, and a prohibition of pre-recorded music from all church services. The Association also requests the development of church choirs from youth to adult to sing sacred works of the entire church calendar, and not of the feelings-based “modern” gospel music that has been prevalent for the past one hundred fifty years.