Super Secret Memo

By Kristin

With Fox's recent announcement that the hit series "24" wouldn't return until January 2009, we couldn't help wondering just what Jack Bauer would be doing with all that free time. We can now report, after having obtained a copy of this confidential memo, that an ordinary day in the life of Jack Bauer isn't that much different from yours or mine.

Memo
To: Jack Bauer, Ops.
From: Clark C. Miller, Accounting
Re: Expense Report 01/20/2007

Mr. Bauer,

I am writing to clarify a few items on your expense form dated 02/20/2008. Specifically, items A, B, D, and E have been cleared: one armored tank, one keg of Heineken, two rolls of duck tape and 12 feet of electrical wiring.

However, items C and F are still waiting approval pending further explanation. As you may recall, the addendum to Budget Section 17, subsection (A), entitled "Thermonuclear Weapons," specifically requires authorization in triplicate from the chief administrative officer of Branch 6, Unit 10, in cases where a proper receipt for said weaponry has not been submitted. Since you did not include either the authorization or the receipt with your form, I am forced to deny your expense claim as stated on Page 2, Section 5, Line H. Should you wish to appeal this decision, please submit Form R28-9 (10/03), along with a narrative stating why you were not able to obtain prior authorization and were not able to provide a copy of the receipt.


Memo
To: Jack Bauer, Ops.
From: Clark C. Miller, Accounting
Re: Expense Report 06/13/2007

Mr. Bauer,

Regarding your recent request, may I remind you that Budget Memo XZ7-2, dated 12/17/2003, specifically requires that all expenses in excess of $3 (three) million dollars be subject to pre-approval by your department head. Your expense item for Twelve million Canadian Dollars is, therefore, four times the pre-approved amount allocated to field agents. Your years of dedicated service and self sacrifice noted in your request form were not sufficient explanation to justify that amount. Also, your request for lauch codes for the nuclear weapons stationed in Nebraska is highly irregular, to say the very least.

Please note that your cooperation is respectfully requested in the future when submitting your expense report. Failure to provide required information in a timely manner can result in undue delay in processing your request, as well as creating a great deal of additional work for the Accounting Department.


Memo
To: Jack Bauer, Ops.
From: Clark C. Miller, Accounting
Re: Expense Report 10/24/2007

All right Bauer, just where do you come off asking for reimbursement of expenses due to collateral damage resulting from the use of 1 (one) Sidewinder shoulder-launched ground-to-air missile. Do you think we're made of money here? $28 (twenty-eight) million doesn't just grow on trees, you know, not even for the great Jack Bauer.

Oh, that's right, you were just saving the world. Again. We just forgot. We’ll get right on that! You know Bauer, you don’t get all the tough assignments around here. Balancing budgets is no easy task, buddy. I bet you couldn’t even run a standard PT Report. If the Finance Department was run the same way your Ops Department functions, this agency would be bankrupt in 6 (six) months. Then who'd keep your precious butt afloat, huh?

On behalf of the Accounting Dept. I would like to personally wish you luck on your super secret mission to Canada. I hope you break a leg!