Wednesday, March 4, 2009

This Just In

By Mitchell

America ’s Comedians Lash Out At Obama
Presidential Goofs “Make Things Hard For Us”

(New York City, March 2) – America ’s top stand-up comics, late-night talk show hosts, and other entertainers lashed out at President Barack Obama today, accusing him of sabotaging their efforts to portray his administration in a pure and reverential light.

“He’s making things hard for us,” Tonight Show host Jay Leno admitted. “I don’t want to say anything bad about the guy, you know – I mean, after eight years of Bush and all – but that line in the State of the Union about America inventing the car, that was almost too much even for me to take. Especially with all the cars I own.”

“It’s reverse censorship,” Saturday Night Life executive producer Lorne Michaels complained. “He’s forcing us to get rid of our best bits. Sure, we would have done a sketch about Bush bumping his head on the presidential helicopter, but this is a new day now, and we have to keep hope alive.”

That's not to say the comics have given the Prez a complete free pass, said Daily Show host Jon Stewart. "Sure, we have to tell a joke once in awhile just to make sure people don't suspect something's up. Whoops, did I say that?" he added with a smile.

“Somebody has to get to him and tell him to stop acting like a Republican,” said CBS chatfest ringleader David Letterman. “Remember the time he said there were 57 states in the United States? Now, if Sarah Palin says that, I’d be all over it. My audience expects that kind of humor. But that was then - this is change we can believe in."

Conan O’Brian, the carrot-topped NBC latenite celeb, lamented a lack of planning. “I suppose we should have known this would happen from what he said on the campaign trail – like that time he claimed that tornadoes in Kansas killed 10,000 people, when it was actually 12. Not 12,000 – just 12. But we held our tongues – for the good of the country, you know. And he gets elected, and then the next thing you know, he’s losing cabinet nominees left and right. If it had been Bush, I would have said something about how the administration planned to take care of the national debt by having cabinet officers pay their back taxes, and the crowd would have been rolling in the aisles. I can’t stand holding my tongue like this – it’s killing me.”

And that doesn’t even begin to get into the Burris thing, O’Brian added. “It just doesn’t stop. You know, we thought we already had enough of our people working for him. It just goes to show you that you can never be too certain.”

It’s enough to make an honest comic cry, Leno concluded. “All we’re trying to do here is be responsible American patriots,” he said sadly. “I’m afraid I’m starting to miss the Republicans already.”

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