Thursday, June 17, 2010

This Just In

Red Sox to Unveil New Mascot
"Red, the Bloody Sox" Gives Team "Tougher" Image.

(Boston, MA--June 16, 2010) The Boston Red Sox, in an attempt to beef up fan interest in a so far disappointing season, have announced the introduction of a new team mascot. In place of their longtime mascot, Wally the Green Monster, the Red Sox will welcome "Red, the Bloody Sox" to Fenway Park as of July 1st.

"Wally was a fine, friendly mascot for many years," said Fred Grumpstein, Director of Fan Relations for the Red Sox, "and it's true the kids loved him. We want to thank Wally for his service to the Red Sox organization. But Wally seemed a little tame, maybe a little too friendly - even wimpy. We don't need the rest of the league - especially the Yankees - to think of us as wimpy. We need to put some teeth into our image. That's where Red will come in."

"Red, the Bloody Sox" is based on the dramatic pitching performance of former Beantowner hurler Curt Schilling, who in the 2004 postseason lead the "Sawks" to a World Series title, defeating both the Yankees and Colorado Rockies despite suffering a serious ankle tendon injury (later requiring surgery) that caused his right foot to ooze blood during his starts. Schillling's "bloody red sock" has become almost mythical lore in Red Sox Nation, and leads to the new mascot.

The exact "look" of "Red the Bloody Sox" is currently a closely-guarded secret within the Red Sox organization. Internet leaks have provided several glimpses into the design, with various reports describing him as a large white sock with dark red blood stains running down the sides, while others report he will be "wearing" a large cleated baseball shoe. Those questions will be answered before the July 1st game when "Red" will make his official debut.

"We certainly don't want to scare kids," adds Grumpstein, "but he definitely ain't gonna be no kiddy mascot. Baseball isn't for sissies, and if 'Red' needs to get tough with people, especially any Yankee fans, I wouldn't put it past him."

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