Thursday, August 23, 2007

This Just In

By Steve

"Vicks" Latest Casualty of Michael Vick Scandal

CINCINNATI, OH -- Say goodbye to Vicks VapoRub.

In the wake of the Michael Vick dogfighting scandal, the fallout has claimed another victim. Despite the fact that “Vicks” in actuality has absolutely nothing to do with Michael Vick, parent company Proctor & Gamble announced today that the company was changing the popular brand name to avoid association with the disgraced pro quarterback, who recently pled guilty to federal dogfighting charges.

It was a tough decision, but P&G marketing director Hector Nelson said the company had no choice but to act.

(left) Separated at Birth? Not if Proctor & Gamble can help it.

“As you know, over the years Proctor & Gamble has had its share of difficulties with misinformation being passed around. For several years, we had to fight the accusation that our corporate logo was in reality a Satanic symbol. The last thing we need is to get mixed up with a person whom some people think is worse than the devil.

Proctor & Gamble joins a long list of companies entangled in the Vick fiasco. However, most of the other companies – including brand names such as Nike – enjoyed an endorsement relationship with Vick that became an embarrassment once the horrific details of Vick’s alleged crimes became public. P&G is the first company to react despite having no discernable connection whatsoever with Vick.

CNN anchor Lou Dobbs thinks P&G may be overreacting. “You have to give the American public credit for not being stupid,” Dobbs said. “I think they can tell that Vicks VapoRub has nothing to do with Michael Vick. It’s far more important that we find out what connection Proctor & Gamble has with goods being imported from Communist China. Now, if we were to find out that Vick was importing his dogs from overseas, instead of using American-bred dogs, that would be another question entirely. But I guess that doesn’t have anything to do with Vicks VapoRub, does it? Maybe I've just gone over the top.”

Nelson said the company had not yet decided on a replacement name for “Vicks,” but that criteria had already been established.

“I can assure you of one thing, our new brand name will be one that doesn’t carry even the smallest whiff of scandal. There is no way that our new product name could ever be associated with any kind of misconduct or suspicion.” Nelson denied a report in today’s Wall Street Journal that suggested the company was considering the name “Bonds” as a replacement.

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