This Just In

By Steve

Favre Retires From NFL…Again…And "This Time I Mean It," He Thinks

(NEW YORK, February 12) -- New York Jets quarterback Brett Farve announced yesterday that he was retiring after 18 seasons in the NFL. The announcement came less than a year after Farve’s previous retirement announcement while with the Green Bay Packers, which in turn came after having spent the past several offseasons contemplating retirement, only to wind up returning to the team each year.

Farve dispelled any notion that he might attempt another comeback within the next few months, telling reporters that his decision was absolutely final. "And this time I mean it."

In other news, numerous politicians assured their constituents that they were from the government and they were here to help, Dirk Bladder of South Beachport promised debt collector Eknath Kapool that the check was in the mail, Springfield resident Homer Simpson vowed he would never eat chili again, and Barry Stutz of Newport told his girlfriend Heather McIntosh that, of course, he would respect her in the morning.