Wednesday, February 6, 2008

This Just In

By Kristin

Anderson Projected to Win Local Elemtary School Election

(WASHINGTON, D.C.) -- In a surprising development, CNN political correspondent Wolf Blitzer has projected the results of the 2008 Herbert Hoover Elementary School Class Election in the small town of Barnes, Wisconsin. “I am confident in the strategies by the campaign team surrounding sixth grader, Timmy Anderson,” said Blitzer. “Strong advertising in the hot lunch line and picketing around the tether ball poles has left a real impression on these 4th, 5th and 6th graders. And even those who are in the lower grades are getting real exposure to the complex elementary school election process”.

Supporters of Anderson bank on his previous experience as Milk Line Officer in the fifth grade to over power his opponent, fellow 6th grader, Matt Quinby who is new to the Elementary school. Anderson is best remembered for his strict policies against line cutting and place holding, while Quinby has taken a more relaxed stance on the controversial issue, promising stability, but flexibility. “People go to the milk line for many reasons,” stated Quinby. “ I feel it would be the responsibility of the next president to create a cohesive plan of maintaining line stability while not restricting the rights of the students”.

Milk line policies are not the only issue on the table this election season. Quinby will have an up hill struggle against Anderson who is running on a strong Anti-Weggie platform, a key issue among the 4th graders and also new students. Quinby has yet to take a stance on the extreme chafing caused by this traditional playground activity, which may hurt him in the long run.

Coverage of this election will be broadcast on network stations beginning this Thursday at 6pm with pre-coverage starting at 2pm and pre-coverate coverage starting at 11am.

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